|Refer to "Tuesday, October 07, 2008"|
The post was in regards to two friends of mine that had become estranged somehow.. It's only today that I can say half the story is entirely solved. The other half is on an up, but hey, life with them has always been a rollercoaster, that's alright I guess :P (note: singing just for you, haha.. reminds me of my junior high school days)
One of the subjects gave me a letter today, along with a birthday gift and card. It addressed exactly the problem and questions I was asking myself all those months ago; friendships and the like. A few thoughts just coming out, I'm having trouble blogging this, but I want to note it down since it's noteworthy for me..
- Reaffirmed belief in my gut instincts again. Well, it's not the first time I've correctly noticed someone avoiding me.. funny how both times, the people only admit it happened, many months after.. And gut instincts.. I kinda don't want them reaffirmed... they're too negative and leave me depressed too much of the time, meh -.- It'd be nice sometimes to be braindead and oblivious to subtlety.. 'Avoidances' are only coincidental and all.. But instead of taking the mirage, it's always the bitter version.. and it's been accurate..
- Another thing.. both times, it's hardly been my fault... but I always had assumed so anyway.. Don't know whether it's a continuation of my self-deprecation or whether I just see other people as being too good to abandon me if I wasn't the problem.. Even today in reply to the letter, I found myself apologizing occasionally.. I didn't need to, I hadn't directly done something to cause trouble.. but I guess just being a presence and being there when things go on, that's guilt-tripping.. Maybe I was just so giddy about it all that I wanted to ease their guilt that was evident in the letter.. Dunno.
- It might've taken this girl over half a year to get her thoughts expressed to me.. but I have to take off my hat to her anyway. She didn't have to insist on being there for when I was reading it; hell, she didn't even have to address the issue. I attempt to extend friendship every once a while, could've just been an easy matter of grabbing onto that for renewal. The other subject of last year's post does that, but that's alright, she's just that shy about this kinda thing, and since we both had done bad things, it's probably good to forget it all.. But this girl with the letter.. gutsy. She notes that I'd have a admirable spirit if I forgave her.. but I think she's the one with the spirit.
- And then there's the what if.. But honestly, even without the series of misunderstandings which fractured the inter-relations between 3 people, I guess things would've broken down one way or another. We all had our own secrets to withhold, always weren't sure who was telling who what.. This letter hardly represents a look into an alternate future, but a lesson as to being more open.
Kind of vomited the post out. Probably won't make any sense since it's so vague.. but I hope it reminds me in the future what this letter meant to me at the present time. Something to cherish the resolution of "much pain and sorrow"; thank you.
|Wow. I guess I have awesome friends after all ^^|
|One could feel their emotions following the fireworks as they rose... A light green glow, rising higher and higher, leaving behind a trail of golden stars... but in the end, the ascent slows.. it reaches its peak.. it disintegrates; the bright green that shines with the soft glow of a firefly explodes. The energy that's pent up merely dissipates in a lot of noise, but what's there to mark it thereafter? After a few minutes, there may be smoke; but after a few hours, there remains nothing.|
I really enjoyed sitting there with a friend watching fireworks, if you couldn't tell.
|It's bullshit wishing for the one you love to be happy.. unless you're the one creating the happiness.|
|My mum was talking about a cute patient who wore his girlfriend's perfume as part of Valentines... and the poor guy develops a rash from it. Anyway, so it turned into her asking about my Valentine's Day. I had a platonic gathering to watch the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra, and told her so. She asks whether I'm still looking around or in an one-sided relationship.. she says never to get into a one-sided relationship. I ask her, why? She says, it seems a big pity.. that there's people who fall in love with each other at the same time, love at first sight kind of thing. I tell her that's not that easy.. then I wonder if mum and dad had that..|
Nope, she says, not then, not today.
*wonders how they got married*
Not sure where I got my thirst for romance from, since it's clearly not from my parents...